One of the most tender passages I’ve read recently is Hosea 11:1-4. It gives me an image like a home video of a gentle father or mother teaching a toddler to walk, holding him by the hand and speaking words of encouragement.
Of course, it’s not all sweet. In this video we see the toddler pulling his hand away and heading toward the stairs. The passage reads “The more they were called, the more they went away; they kept sacrificing to the Baals and burning offerings to idols” (verse 2). The toddler in this case was Israel.
The particular morning I read this, I had just spoken my desire to the Father. I desired to be loved and pursued, and to be deeply known by another. Yet something had happened the day before that caused me to be angry. This quickly led to sadness, guilt and shame for just a second, because those are more familiar emotions for me than anger.
As I sat with this scripture and my emotions from the day before, I struggled to see a connection between what I read in Hosea and what I was feeling. But in silence I heard “Debbie, when you make feelings your focus, you end up giving too much of yourself to them and end up depleted.” In this way, I am, in a sense, bowing down to my feelings as if they were an idol. I’m like that toddler who leaves the safety of the father’s arms and takes off toward the stairs.
Feelings are such great indicators of the story we’re telling ourselves, aren’t they? My anger and sadness were coming from a story I had subconsciously told myself that revolved around a foolish woman who was expecting something wonderful to happen and who was disappointed when it did not appear to be true. It was ridiculous, of course, but it all seemed plausible in my mind. At that point I had the option of acting on my feelings and getting caught up in the emotional cloud that would accompany those actions, or to go deeper and look at what needs were being triggered.
When I welcome the feelings in as guests and ask them what they are trying to tell me, I usually get a pretty clear idea as to where my old tapes are playing instead of truth. From there, I can sit with the Father and let him show me what I was truly hoping for. I can see that my feelings are serving a need that is either met or not being met according to my soul’s orientation. They are signposts only – not the desired destination.
My sadness and anger that day were pointing me toward a need for love and security, which are two of our four basic human needs. But there is only one Source that can meet those needs in a perfect and consistent way. Anything else is going to disappoint me in some way.
I saw that I can choose to worship my feelings – much like a Baal or other kind of idol. I can give in to what they require to get appeased and still come up empty. It would be like going to church and stopping at the sign at the front of the property, getting out, and sitting there with the sign. I would be headed in the right direction but sadly detoured from recognizing the Truth as the only person worth worshipping. Our feelings can do that if we do not cultivate an awareness of where we typically turn for those needs.
I read somewhere that “it is God’s nature to guide us, while our nature is to wander…” And our emotions can easily lead us off track if we don’t notice them, check to see what is producing them, and comparing where they are leading us versus where we want to go.
The good news is, we may wander off track but our God is faithful. When we come to him, he can reorient us. Our destination is guaranteed. He will complete what he started. And we have the opportunity to grow in intimacy along the way.