In my current time in the Spiritual Exercises I encountered an invitation to consider how “love dispels all fear, and therefore, God’s presence dispels all fear.” This was to be a reflection on the dream Joseph had about not being afraid to marry Mary considering her untimely pregnancy.
One of the most awesome gifts of going through the Exercises for me is that I may start with some scriptures or prayer prompts that seem totally disconnected; or that seem to have no relevance to my life. But before my time in reflection is finished, I am wowed by something that really stays with me. That was the case on this particular day.
I often teach that our actions come from our feelings, and our feelings come from our thoughts and beliefs. As humans, we never do anything without there being a “man behind the curtain” that is pulling the strings in the form of an emotion or thought, even though this happens so quickly we often don’t recognize what just happened.
As I read the passage in Matthew 1: 18-25, I thought about what Joseph might have been thinking as he got into bed that night. Maybe his thoughts and feelings ran something like this: “I am confused and deeply disappointed. I am angry. But…I love Mary and care for her. I can’t bring myself to publicly disgrace her and maybe even see her stoned. I do feel a sense of compassion…” This led him to the conclusion (action) that he would dismiss her quietly.
The version I was reading said “But just when he had resolved to do this,” God sent an angel – a messenger – in the form of a dream. This angel changed Joseph’s beliefs by informing him that this pregnancy was from the Holy Spirit. With this information confirmed in his mind, his belief changed from “Mary did something wrong” to “God has done something holy and it includes me.” From this change in beliefs, his emotions probably still fluctuated over the next nine months, but his actions lined up with the belief and soon enough, he was blessed to hold Messiah in his very arms!
Our beliefs must constantly be challenged since we have a tendency as humans to put God in a human-sized box that will never be able to contain his glory. Some of the boxes my own beliefs have tried to force God into are: my experiences box, my expectations box, my doubt/fear box, my woundedness box, other people’s ideas box, the box I receive from culture and society. Sometimes it’s a box of misunderstanding, or my lifestyle and priorities.
The good news is that God knows how to break out of those boxes and reveal himself to me in fresh ways, if I am paying attention. He will use an angel, a dream, a donkey, handwriting on the wall, a fleece, a dove, a never-ending supply of oil, a star, creation, a baby, a cross, an empty tomb. All of this and more, in addition to his living Word.
How can you develop more of an awareness of how he is revealing himself to you? I offer a few suggestions, and I’d love to hear some of yours:
1. Ask for it. Romans 8:32 asks a compelling question: “He who did not spare his own Son, but gave him up for us all – how will he not also, along with him, graciously give us all things?
2. Live reflectively, incorporating silence and stillness into your life regularly.
3. Learn and employ life-giving practices. There are too many to list here, but a quick search online for spiritual practices may give you some ideas. As a Spiritual Director, I would be happy to meet and talk to discuss your journey and offer some of these practices, either individually (virtually or in person), or through classes and seminars I will offer throughout the year.
Of all the boxes you may wrap or open this season, take some time to consider how God is wanting to break out of the limits you may have inadvertently set on him. He wants to change your way of thinking so you can be transformed from the inside out.