Today is my birthday. 50 years ago, I went to get my driver’s license. A major milestone in one’s life – or it seemed to be at age 16. Today I took another “milestone” trip, to the Social Security office. And I was surprised to find that the estimated income benefit I had been advised to expect was incorrect. And not in my favor…
On the drive home, feeling a distantly familiar sense of panic set in, I decided to listen to my Abide app. The meditation was on the wise men bringing gifts to Jesus. And the reflection question was based on the typical “What do I want to give Jesus?” Of course, most of us who know the drill would say that since all we have is his anyway, and in light of the Gift that he is to us, the “right” answer is – “I give him all that I am.”
But I was invited instead to think of what it means to be in a committed relationship. Let’s be honest. In the early romantic notions of wedding vows, we SAY we pledge “for better for worse, richer or poorer, sickness and health…” But we typically are thinking that there will be more that is better, richer, or healthier than the other stuff. When he asked me last year to step away from a place that has felt secure and fruitful and into the unknown, I made that decision and commitment in trust, knowing it would likely mean sacrifice. But I was thinking I could count on a certain income. Today, the commitment became clearer, and it got real. Panic set in. I had trouble breathing as I walked back to my car.
During this reflection on the wise men, I was invited to imagine what it was like for them to offer him gifts they had likely been carrying around for months on their journey to find him. I wondered if, as their bags felt lighter, they were concerned about having made a mistake. What if they had left with this unpretentious toddler and his family their greatest treasures, and now the long road back seemed a little less secure in the absence of those resources. What if they were mistaken? No doubt they had to silently review in their minds all that had led up to their major decision to leave everything behind to follow that star. I wonder if they had seen something in the baby Jesus some confirming sign that he was worth their sacrifice? Or were there doubts now in broad daylight?
And then I was reminded who took a bigger chance, made a far greater sacrifice than these “wise” men with their costly gifts. Jesus left the glory of the heavenly realm to step into a painful, messy world where his very best treasure would be rejected and left unopened like some insignificant gift under the tree by so many. And even from those who would gladly welcome him he would receive far more liability than assets!
When he made a covenant with me and sealed it with his Spirit, he was fully aware that he was not getting a bargain. No trophy wife for him! He wanted all of me, not just the pleasant things about me, and he has promised to protect, provide, love and cherish, and not even death will part us! In fact, he loves to show up in my weakest moments to prove to me over and over again that he will forever be my Emmanuel!
Who needs more security than that? Who needs Social Security when I have the Wonderful Counselor, Almighty God, the Everlasting Father, and the Prince of Peace, in a committed relationship?
“If God didn’t hesitate to put everything on the line for us, embracing our condition and exposing himself to the worst by sending his own Son, is there anything else he wouldn’t gladly and freely do for us?” Romans 8:32 (MSG).”
I invite you to make a list of all that you have to offer Jesus on one side of a sheet of paper, and a list of all that he has given you on the other side. When you are tempted to hold on to what you think is life-giving when he is asking you to surrender it, this list may help restore your trust.