Last week, I reflected on a concept I have been considering from the book You Are What You Love by James K.A. Smith. This is one of many thought- and faith-provoking books that are part of my assigned study for Sustainable Faith School of Spiritual Direction.
If I view my heart as a museum that houses the treasures around which I live my life and engage my world; and if I am the curator of these treasures – selecting, organizing, re-evaluating, and displaying them, then it becomes of primary importance that I reflect often on the whole process.
The scriptural premise that has led me into this image of my heart as a museum that must be carefully tended was Philippians 1:9-11. As I am understanding this passage, I see that it is the quality and subject of my love that produces the knowledge and discernment necessary for a fruitful life.
As a visual processor, this morning I decided to draw a diagram of what my current “museum” might look like, as far as layout and content. I reluctantly asked the Holy Spirit to show me his view, since his vision is so much clearer than mine. The reason I was reluctant was that I had a feeling I may not be entirely pleased with what he showed me. In fact, as I sketched, I had to mark through my drawing several times as he prompted me to become even more honest. When I finished, the image didn’t appear to be all that discouraging. This museum housed quite a few “good” things! Granted, I did see some things there that I knew were not that valuable and probably needed re-evaluating. But what I really began to notice in contemplating this image through prayer was the layout of the building.
At the center of this edifice was me and God. I realize that is not a grammatically correct sentence structure. However, that is the order of who was at the hub. Around this hub were the various departments, such as Spiritual practices, family, ministry, amusement, etc. Somehow, this compartmentalization did not seem right. I also noticed that as an Enneagram One, I had selected and was now evaluating what I saw through the lens of my Core Fear, which is a fear of not being good – or worse, being “bad.”
In prayer, I asked God through his Spirit to show me a better model. I began to visualize a new layout, with God at the center and a spiral outward. Rather than walls dividing each department and doors between each one, I saw this open space with no walls and a natural movement outward and inward. There was no clear delineation as to where one department ended and another began. With God as the true Curator, he asks me daily, “What shall we spend our time and resources on today?” And together we move into a time of spiritual practices that affect my love, and then flow outwardly to my family (biological and Church), friends, acquaintances, and the world at large. I think I was most surprised by his revelation of the inward flow: what is happening in our world and its influence on my acquaintances, friends, family, and my practices. Together, God and I discuss these matters and from this quiet space, we arrange our next day’s outward movement.
This new model both appeals to me and scares me. I see how organic it is, and how life-giving. But I also see that it is not a nice and tidy, organized structure that I have some false sense of control over. A Christ-centered life is a Spirit-controlled life and it is often messy and involves more sacrifice than what I think I am comfortable with. But if it is true that I slowly begin to resemble what I worship, I must be willing to evaluate what I spend time, money, and emotional energy on, and why since these are the indicators of true worship.
What I learned from this exercise was that although the things I value are not as much of a problem as some deeper issues: first of all, the control that I want to have in how to arrange them; and secondly, the pricing system by which I place value on them.
I am asking God to help me surrender the floor plans to my heart and exchange them for those of the Master Architect. More to follow…